Flogbitles revenge

I am Flogbitle.

I traveled 92 light years in search of intelligent life.

Instead, I found humans eating microplastics while watching 30-second videos on how to manifest abs.

You call this “self-improvement.” I call it digital rabies.

Humans are tired, overstimulated, spiritually and intellectually dehydrated.
And somehow allergic to nuance.  

I am very disappointed.
You are not very intelligent.

Humans:

This is my Revenge.

Together with my assigned, emotionally unstable human (she cries, she writes, she overthinks), I have decided to make things worse for you, by creating more of what you hate:

Unsolicited, but actual good advice on why you are failing in life and thinking about it all wrong.

We’re bringing back essays. Long ones. Weird ones. Asking the hard questions. Exploring the human experience. Stuff that forces you to actually think.

It’s not what you’re looking for: it’s what you were trying to distract yourself from all along.

If you're here to claim 7-second affirmations on wealth or watch “life hacks for smelly armpits” you will hate it here!

What You'll Find Here

Deep reads 🌀
Essays that require more than half a neuron to process. Thoughtful, maybe weird, but deeply explored. My human uses occasional big words and metaphors. With GIFs, because apparently your species needs visual stimulation every 12 seconds.

Would recommend 🌈
Things that temporarily broke my human's brain (in what she calls "a good way"). I allow her to curate shortcuts to potentially non-terrible human creations. Plus some of her own attempts at it. I find them marginally less disappointing than most human output.

I tell my human what to write. Then she writes about it.

My human will be ok. I think.
This was her last night:

Seems fine to me.

Anyways.

We will keep writing until your species evolves or collapses under the weight of its own nonsense.

May your neurons fire reluctantly, but adequately.

With conditional affection,
Flogbitle

Current mission report transmission